fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
