Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
