Do you still have your period?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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