Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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