I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
