There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
