Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
