after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
