Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
