pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
