dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
