She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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