we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
