I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
