i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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