You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Porn is love you can see.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
did i just pee glitter
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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