I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
