You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
