the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I AM VODKA MAN
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
