You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
