if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
