roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
