I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
