We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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