Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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