Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
