if you like me you must not know who I am
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
