Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
