Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What a dumb baby whore.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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