i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
