I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Come see our sink grown plant.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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