Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
