Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
