I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
