I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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