Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
