im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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