he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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