the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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