if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
