You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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