I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
