i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My vagina just clenched in fear
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
