Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
