found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
