I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
