you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
false alarm. still invincible.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
