Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
