So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
