look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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