If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
