i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
